Hot Pants Supplement: Guess what you need, Hot Pants? Legs! And you demand that anyone who wears you know how to use them. This song may not be about you, but it really couldn’t be anymore about you, Hot Pants. ZZ Top totally gets you.
Hot Pants Supplement: I love you, Sean Connery, and you’re great and all, but I’m going to have to use you in Zardoz as an illustration of why it is never alright for dudes with hairy legs to wear hot pants. And no, that boss ponytail does not make up for it. Nor do the boots (which I totally love, btw).
Hot Pants Supplement: We can’t talk about your hotness, Hot Pants, without paying homage to Catherine Bach, a.k.a. Daisy Duke. This is a woman who knows how to rock a pair of barely existent shorts. And in a very Southern fashion too. Forget Jessica Simpson, this is hot pants realness that cannot be touched. Gotta love the plaid addition too.
Hot Pants Supplement: Oh look, Hot Pants, you’re still going strong for Resort 2013. Keep up that leggy work, gurl.
Dear Hot Pants,
I judged you. I admit it. I thought you were slutty. But I’d never say it to your face. I’d just think it behind your back every time I saw you. Maybe we were frenemies. You were always nice to me so probably you thought we were actual friends. Sorry about that.
Anyway, I just want you to know how wrong I was. Totally wrong. And I admit it freely. Maybe you are a little slutty (you do leave so little to the imagination), but you’re also remarkably practical. If it’s sweltering out, I can always count on you to keep me cool. And you’re truly the best wing woman ever. I feel like I understand you better now than I ever thought I would. I want you in my wheel house, Hot Pants. I want you in my wheel house because you’re literally the only thing I want to wear right now.
I’ll never forget the first time I saw you in Taxi Driver. I remember thinking how fabulous Jodie Foster’s outfit was and how desperately I wanted to wear something like that. Then I was creeped out because it seemed inappropriate for a child prostitute to be so chic, but it was the seventies and you know better than anyone how that was.
I think it’s safe to say you demand a lot from a friendship and you can be pretty superficial (I mean hello, you make Helmut Newton’s leg fetish look tame by comparison). But you know what you like and what you need and you aren’t afraid to go after it. You’re confident. And frankly, what girl doesn’t want to be? Paired with my way-too-tall Miu Miu clogs, I feel like a towering disco inferno of Me Decade goddess-ness.
So I guess what I’m asking is: do you like wanna hang out sometime? I think I might be cool enough to hang with you now.
Film and Television
Taxi Driver. I don’t know that there’s ever been a better hot pants outfit ever. Especially with those too tall shoes. That seems to be key for you, Hot Pants, you like those big girl shoes.
Sex and the City. Mostly Carrie seemed to favor hot pants, but really, I feel like all the ladies sported them at some point. Except maybe Miranda. She’s above you, Hot Pants, and your obvious ways. No one ever said you were intellectual.
Helmut Newton. I think there are really only a few hot pants in his oeuvre, but he loved a good pair of legs. So do you, Hot Pants.
Baroque Supplement: There’s no better way to celebrate Friday than with a little Labyrinth. While this scene is clearly fantastic, I’d like to point a few key things:
1.) Jennifer Connelly’s completely shocked expression throughout the scene is priceless.
2.) David Bowie’s jacket (and winged eyeshadow and golden lip gloss, etc) is everything.
3.) These might be the happiest extras I’ve ever seen. They are having such a (masked) blast.
Stop being so ambivalent about David Bowie and his raging eye make-up, Jennifer Connelly. You will never meet a guy with a wardrobe this good again. Yes, he’s evil. But I’m pretty sure the heavily embroidered jacket makes up for at least some of that.
Baroque Supplement: And here we have the Lestat jacket that started it all. Brad Pitt is clearly very distraught he didn’t get one too.
Baroque Supplement: Here’s a closer look at what Karl’s up to at Chanel. Everything about this look is kind of perfect including the metallic flatform oxfords. Oddly enough this is pretty similar to Lestat’s awesome jacket. Just in denim.
Baroque Supplement: This Dolce & Gabbana Fall 2006 ad. Frankly, I don’t know why more ads aren’t referencing classical painting. Beautiful. Artistic. There’s even a dead male model. What happened to him? He was struck down by the decadence of it all.
Prince Rupert of the Rhine (1719-1682).
The most brilliant young general of the English Civil Wars: if the King had listened to him, he’d have won quite early on. He was very tall (even taller than his cousin, the future Charles II) and looked splendid in the clothes of the time. Rupert was such a magnificent horseman and fighter, the enemy began spreading rumors that he was a magician, able to appear in 2 places at once. He could ride through a hail of bullets and never be touched. He eventually took up a career as a pirate, with his ships being the last bit of English territory loyal to King Charles I. Sigh. When I visit London, I always bring red roses to Rupert’s tomb in Westminster Abbey.
Prince Rupert really was a bodice-ripping bad ass. So dashing. So suave. He knows it too. Show off.